I worked hard to develop a sense of lightness and humor with those that really wanted to see us revert to old eating habits. I talked regularly about how great I felt and how strong and healthy my kids seemed to be (they rarely got sick). And when someone wanted to give them something that I would never choose for them, I would laugh and say, “Just a little bit, now.” Rather than a direct, “No.” Some people love confrontation and when I no longer engaged it, they backed away.

I feel that the balance was found and now with my little one, noone questions me or feels they need to prove a point regarding my “deprived” children. And, the best thing of all…. my family and friends just suck down our green smoothies and through our quiet demonstration of stable weight and great health – they are finding that great food tastes great and I see more and more friends buying Blend Tecs and fresh food and enjoying it.

It is hard to raise children in confrontation with loved ones and I think that noone wants to raise them in a vacuum. It has also been good for my kids to see how to navigate a world that is set on selling them a bill of goods that says its important to be “thin” and “beautiful” and “healthy” but then markets the opposite lifestyle! Thank you for this discussion.

And, for all you grandma’s out there: I love the other blog from a grandma who said she figured she already raised her grandkids now it’s time to let her children raise their own. Way to go! Thanks for your time and attention everyone!
As for hubby, he’s a ‘white personality type’. He avoids conflict. He is nonconfrontational by nature. That is one of the reasons I fell in love with him is his laid back personality. He is seeing the light on this since I’ve started the dialogue with him early and before the visit. I wouldn’t call him a momma’s boy. He does want me to go along to get along, because what makes him a success in life in general and a big success in what he does for work is his ability for someones ‘hair to be on fire’ and still be able to keep his cool :). He handles people’s high stress situations very well with his own ability to say little and simply walk away, or stay cool when someone shows anger. He’s slow to anger or get fired up.

So, the reason for my anxiety is realizing this about my hubby, that he does like to eat mom’s food, and that he would never turn down a bologna sandwich or ask for this to stop on his own. I took ownership, as an adult, to ask for help here knowing this would be up to me, mostly between MIL and me because we two are adults. And, you are right, I do need hubby to be on board somewhat as far as knowin this is what I am doing. Really, the intitiative is mine because it is my expectation that we continue eating healthy during the visit. Not hubby’s.

Beyond food, when MIL comes for a visit she wants to lather all sorts of lotions, etc. loaded with chemicals on their little bodies. I have been so diligent for the past two years to not have such products in our house and even have the guest bathroom stocked with non-chemical alternatives (because frankly the fragrances in those chemical products give us all a headache) but they still use their own. I really don’t want my kids to have toxic nail polish on their nails, nor do I think toddlers need lipstick etc.

Thanks for sharing the letter. I think it may give me a little more confidence in how to approach this situation before the next visit.

YES!!! HERE, HERE!

I hope many MILs are receiving that email daily! If I were writing it, I also would include MY FEELINGS about how things ARE/WERE, and how my feelings will change as a result of what my desired outcome is with my MIL. For example, “when I think of all the hard work I have put into the health of our family, and then I see you bringing all that junk food into our house I feel sadness, and a bit of anger toward you”.

I know many women are probably a bit hesitant to express their feelings this boldly but really your MIL must know how you FEEL otherwise she will imagine that she is fulfilling her role as grandma admirably.

Also here is something mothers could say to express their feelings about their desired outcomes: “I feel joy about seeing you respect our family’s wishes, and invite you to try out some of our food. I am happy to share with you. I feel joyful and abundant in my healthy lifestyle that I choose daily.”

Those are some simple conscious language upgrades that I have been enjoying in my communication lately. Best wishes to all those mothers and their MILs!